How Do I Make Changes That Are Overwhelming?

If I’m being honest, I am not living the sort of lifestyle that I want right now. I’m wary of making generalizations, but I also think that’s something I have in common with a lot of people. How often have you heard the phrases “someday” or “when the time is right I can do ___” or “once ___ happens I can do ___”?

I say these phrases all the time. It’s mostly subconscious. I don’t even realize I’m saying them.

In my last post I talked about how I think about my goals for the future. Everything I said still holds true. I still don’t know where I will be in five years or what it is exactly that I want. But I do know what kind of lifestyle I want. I know the kinds of routines, attitude, habits, even diet I want. I can picture in my mind what my mornings would look like and how every room in my apartment would look in this ideal future. Some of these things I can’t have right now. I’m still living at home with my parents and I’m not quite in a position to move out, so it’s not like I can design an apartment for myself right now. However, other things in this ideal future are attainable right now. What’s stopping me from living the ideal lifestyle?

Probably just myself. If I pause and really think about it I am the biggest roadblock between me and this ideal version of myself.

That sounds like some line from a corny motivational YouTube video, but it’s still true.

If I want to be the sort of person that gets up early and sleeps early, why can’t I? If I want to be the sort of person that eats plant based for a whole day at least once a week, what’s stopping me? If I want to reorganize my room I CAN. I am fully capable of redecorating. But I haven’t.

Part of it is accountability. Not to anyone else, but to myself. I promise myself that I will do the things I want to do, but then I forget about them a day later in favour of other things that take higher priority. The other part, if I’m being honest, is effort. It takes effort to change habits. It’s easy to stick with what you already know, even if it’s not really what you want to be doing. Changing your habits takes conscious effort, every day, until they stick. And even then it can be a little too easy to slide backward into the old ways that are easy and thoughtless.

The future me in my head is very different from present me. I mean, that future me is still ME, but upgraded. She does all the things present me swears I’ll do, but never gets to. But, in order for that upgraded future me to exist, I have to put in effort. I don’t know why I expect her to have more time to do the things present me wants. She won’t. If anything, future me will be way busier and have way less time.

I have to start making time now. Otherwise, it will never happen. It’s overwhelming, though. Between the accountability, the effort I know it will take to ‘upgrade’ myself, and the difference I imagine between future me and present me, there’s a lot to take in.

But there’s no getting around it. The only thing I can really do is try to hack myself, make it easier. I can actually start writing things down in places I will remember. (For that, I use notion. It’s a real game changer). I can focus on where I’m at right now. And I can take little steps rather than big leaps.

We hear it all the time; take little steps. One step at a time. But it’s true! I think that’s how I’m going to get over the overwhelm. I’ll make a list of the things I can do right now, and pick one to focus on for the next few weeks.

MY list as of right now is as follows:

• Fix my sleep schedule. Sleep by 11, up by 7.
• Less social media time. Not completely cut out because I use it to talk to friends, but less mindless scrolling.
• Eat plant-based more often. Not cut out meat COMPLETELY, just eat less of it.
• Reorganize and redecorate my room.
• Learn more every day for personal interest, not just obligation from school.

I’ve been focusing on my diet a lot lately anyways, so I think the easiest of these to integrate into my life is probably eating more plant based. I’ve always wanted to get better at cooking and have more variety in my diet. Now is as good a time as any!

When I think about ‘upgrading’ my life it always seems very daunting. It seems like I have to make massive changes. But I’m realizing it doesn’t have to be like that. It only feels overwhelming because I’m impatient. I want all these changes to happen right now. I want to be the better version of myself right now. But it’s not realistic to think like that. I have to be patient and take small steps, and eventually I will get there.

Overwhelm

Have you found that everything gets a little overwhelming a little faster now? Because that’s definitely how I feel. Since the pandemic began, almost a year ago now, everything seems to happen a little too much a little too fast. It’s probably because I’m at home all the time and it’s easy for all the days to meld together. I’m no longer used to the day to day strain of life in the way I was before.

Which is weird when I think about it, because life is as stressful as it was before. Actually, probably more stressful. Professor’s are making the work load heavier now that everyone is at home all the time, I still have a job, there’s relationship strain. Plus, being cooped up all the time isn’t helping.

And honestly? I don’t think I’m coping with it all very well.

The littlest things seem to set me off these days. I have to keep my phone on silent because notifications when I’m in the middle of something feel too stressful. Is that silly? Maybe. But it’s what I’ve got to do.

The other day was a great example; My boss called me five times to deal with little things that he could’ve sent in an email, I had lectures for five hours, reading to do, assignments to do, applications to fill out, errands to run. It was all way too much. Honestly, I’m a little embarrassed now, but my mom asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears on the spot.

But I did get through it. I turned off my phone, I went for a run, and then I made dinner. After dinner was made and eaten I made a very basic list of what I had left to do that night. It looked like this:

• Do work stuff
• Do school stuff
• Answer friends
• Shower
• Go. To. bed.

Very basic. I didn’t go into the details of what I had to do until I got to that step. I didn’t worry about the school stuff while I was doing the work stuff, I just did the work stuff. And I didn’t turn on my phone again until that list was made.

It actually really helped a lot.

There are two lessons to be had here:

1. Lists, even short ones, are the best thing in the world. As basic as they are sometimes, they really are one of the best ways to organize.
2. Phones are a huge source of anxiety sometimes. Now that I’m at home all the time I’m on my phone more than ever. In some ways this is good. I get to keep in touch with my friends. In other ways, this is bad and very stressful and overwhelming.

I’m sure there are other lessons to be had here, but those are my two big takeaways.

So now I’m going to make basic lists at the start of every day. Worry about the details later. And I’m going to turn off my phone more often.

If you have better ways to deal with overwhelm please feel free to drop them in the comments. And if you’re feelings this way too, know you’re not alone.

Stepping Back

Life, especially as an adult, is really overwhelming. But when life is good and everything is going right, I seem to forget that there will always be a point when it gets overwhelming again. Life goes through different phases. That’s something I know. And yet, for whatever reason, I can never imagine feeling different than I do in the present moment. So when life is bad, it feels like it won’t get good again. Or when life is good it feels like it will always be that way and I load myself up with commitments that overwhelm me if and when life goes downhill again.

I feel like I’m trying to rush through life. I don’t even know what I’m rushing to do! I’m just trying to set myself up for success as early as possible. Give myself as many advantages early on so I don’t regret not having them later. But I’m only one person and rushing through life the way that I am means that I’m not giving myself time to enjoy it.

Sometimes setting yourself up for success can mean pulling back a little and NOT doing the most. Easing your foot off the gas isn’t a bad thing, it just means that you’re giving yourself some time to replenish and recover.

This is something that I’ve learned in the past week or so. Like I mentioned in my last post, an unexpected unfortunate event happened to me recently that has made it hard for me to cope with life in general. I’ve always been the kind of person to do the most. I have always filled my schedule to bursting and then some.

This semester I’m doing things a little differently. I cannot mentally cope with an overloaded schedule. I’m emotionally off balance and can’t really cope with anything right now. So for the first time ever I’m pulling back. I dropped out of a class, so I’m still full time but my work load is much lighter. It felt like quitting at first but now I think that was the best course of action. It gives me time to slow down a little, to talk to friends, to try to heal and not feel so overwhelmed. It seems like such a small thing, but it was a big deal for me. And the right decision too.